Today I woke up ready to tackle things. 

I love when I wake up like that cause it isn't as often these days. 

Honestly this last week has been very draining and discouraging. We just aren't seeing progress with our daughter's healing and these past few days were particularly bad. Her hiccups were relentless for days and her poor tummy was so tired. Is there anything worse than watching your kid suffer and being helpless to stop it. ARG!

But they went away praise God around midnight so this morning I wanted to finally refill our fridge (it was sadllllly empty haha, I caught my poor hubby trying to make a pb and j on a corn tortilla today!) Plus I thought it would be fun to Christmas shop at Walmart with the kiddos. I forgot Walmart and Fun hardly ever go together, right? Why is it! I always go in there all ready to conquer my list and almost always leave feeling frazzled. I think it's because I realize I forgot something but don't want to walk another mile across the store! 

But this morning I blasted the Christmas music with my kids and was ready! I even put my ugly tennis shoes on ---- not a window shopping trip !!!! 

Walmart went almost seamlessly, of course I forgot several things (why do I even make a list?!) but my kids were awesome rock stars! Since we were right next to Chick Fil A I figured we could grab lunch and I would let the kids run on the play structure. Of course functioning with Juliana's new food restrictions has really been challenging. I have to always have something with me she can have - which usually means I need to have made it from 10 different kinds of flours -- but I looked online ahead of time and saw that they have this cool allergy chart for Chick fil A and it said the grilled chicken was soy, wheat, etc free. So I definitely hyped it up and she was excited (obviously I learned not to do that again lol), because when I got there and saw ALL the ingredients for them soy was definitely in there. This really frustrated me but lets not go into that lol. She happily enjoyed her fries and fruit cup. 

William decided to have an explosive diaper in the play structure. Let me first say I NEVER.....NEVER go anywhere without complete sets of clothes for both my kids. They are always in the bag and usually more in my car because it's a mess. I do not know what happened but I had nothing at all. Obviously we cleaned up and rushed off the structure (don't forget the crying 3 year old cause we now have to leave right away) to change him. I will spare you non-parents the details. But just imagine flowing poop everywhere and on everything. YEP! This girl pulled up next to my car where I was cleaning him up and clothes and wipes are falling out of the car and she gave me a great pity look :/ 

Then comes the fun part where I realize there is nothing in that whole care for him to wear and we still have 2 places to go. We live 30 minutes from all these stores so there is no going home. So he ended up in a pair of his sisters mud covered polka dot tights that I found in the car pocket. And off we went to costco haha!

(my son's awesome attire)

Costco. is. a. zoo. Do not got there unless it's 10 am! I felt super on it as I checked ingredients on everything and then forgot to grab half of them (again....yep!) A few people also laughed at his tights but who cares LOL!

(you can sense the exasperation in this one:) 

We got to hold up the entire food line while they got the box for their "fruit" smoothie so I could see the ingredients.........just because I want to make 20 angry Christmas shoppers behind me hate me even more than they already do cause my kids are freaking out :)

(This is line to LEAVE Costco!)

Moral of the story, take clothes everywhere with you and maybe don't go to 4 places in one morning. 

But look at this full fridge! Beauty!!

Honestly even though crazy, I loved this day. It was normal. I have been learning to appreciate the normal parent struggles of having kids instead of the isolating ones we have been facing lately where we are always at some kind of test or doctors office. Today was great :) Kids are awesome :)  

Pain and Struggles. This is real life.

We all have moments in our life where our perspective changes. 

It can be small things like a conversation with a friend that changes your thinking about something, or bigger moments like grand trips, new love or times of crisis. 

For anyone following along with me lately you know we've been dealing with some challenging health issues with our 3 year old daughter. "challenging". Everyone says that............like when the doctor says you will feel "some discomfort". Come on already it's gonna hurt! 

Last week we spent 3 days in the hospital searching for answers and getting lots of testing done. While I was happy to be getting it all done and finally know, anyone's natural tendency when in the hospital is just to GET OUT lol. You just want to go home even if you know getting answers is better. 

I've had lots to think about since then. Not only for my own daughter's health but all the other families we met. Since Jules' wasn't a "sick" contagious child we were on the wing of the hospital with the other children getting MRI's or who have cancer. 

I can't stop thinking about them. We got my daughter's biopsy results today and it shows that she has an immune disease called eosinophilic esophagitis, basically her esophagus is having an allergic reaction to foods and such---as I understand it. It was incredibly inflamed and could be the cause of her terrible hiccups and a slue of other problems. BUT it is fixable. She will be fine. Is it what I want for my child? Of course not. But she will be fine. 

So there I am for 3 days hanging out with the parents of kids fighting cancer, watching their life.................and wondering if my child ends up having a brain tumor what my life may look like. Then I get that call today and while I take probably my first deep breath in a long time, I instantly think of all the other parents who didn't get results like that. Sure we can move forward and over time forget that terrible place of sick and dying children, but that is a reality for so many families. 

(I walked into the play room and my mom was telling the kids stories, love my mom)

Jeremy and I were talking on the way home from the hospital about how we all have levels in our life of what is the "most stressful thing in our life (currently)". For us this definitely was the top. MRI's, sedation's, lots of talk of tumors and worse of all unknowns. But for others........MRI's are a part of their monthly check, or they have IV's with CHEMO stamped on it like little Ben who I met and grew so fond of in 3 days. For them, what we are going through is so much lower.

 But then there we were, comparing our problems to our neighbor we had in our room who needed a knee MRI. We found ourselves thinking "I wish we were just here for a knee MRI". But that's just it, for them that was the highest stress they've encountered. They were scared, they were stressed and even if we KNEW (in our minds) our stress was greater it doesn't change the reality in front of them.

We both vowed to try try try and remember this when interacting with our friends, family and anyone we see. 

We always think what we are going through is the most important thing because it is the most stressful thing to us. But that doesn't mean we can belittle other people's struggles just because we know ours are greater. But it does mean we can remember there are others around us who may be battling bigger things. These people are everywhere. 

(Hospital view sunrise, lots of prayer done here.)

You may be running through dollar tree on your way to hang out with friends or in a hurry to get your kids home for lunch and nap but each person you interact with is struggling with something very real and very big to them. On Thursday I walked to a nearby deli while Juliana was having her MRI. There was nothing I could do for those 3 hours. The nurses encouraged me to go for a walk and get some food. Oh sure, ok, I'll walk the park while my toddler is sedated and completely out of my care.

While I felt like standing outside the door and crying (maybe I did that too for a bit :) I knew it was a good idea. So I walked to this beautiful market. I was in my own world. Almost like when ou feel like you're in a dream ya know? Everywhere I saw people laughing and enjoying meals together or deep in conversation. How could life be going on like normal all around me while my baby was inside a machine looking for tumors in her chest? The girl at the counter asked what brought me in that day and I mentioned that sadly I was coming from the hospital. Before I left she brought over two caramel cookies and put them on my table saying "for you" with a smile :) That meant so much to me in that moment. 

So I want to try to do more of that. Not be so in my own bubble of kids, shopping, cleaning and LIFE that I can't see hurting people around me. The opportunities to share the Gospel are endless we just need to look up. We hate talking about pain and struggles but that is daily life people. You're not reminding someone of their struggle when you ask about it....you are showing them you see it and care about it. 

Thank you for your prayers for her! We need lots of prayer that her hiccups would not get that bad again because we really don't want to go back to the hospital :) As much as we miss our little friends :) 

Talking with a toddler

This kind of conversation happens nearly every moment of every day around here. I have a not very verbal 2 year old, which can be challenging at times, but these simple, ridiculous, aggravating at times conversations will be gone soon LOL -- I hope?

When lunch is over and she watches one Justin Time, this is how things usually go down......

"OK it's naptime! Let grab your water and go in your room"
"no"
"Remember we don't say no to mommy, please choose to obey and grab your water"

like watching a glacier move I stand and wait for her to move the 2 ft from the couch to her doorway. At last we have made it to the door and I can encourage her all the long way to the bed. 

"Good job, lets get in bed and read a book"
"oh! my shoes!"

"It's ok we don't need shoes right now, how about you choose a book"

"um, ee hee (ok)"

We now move two steps closer to the bed. So close and yet so far. I make the mistake of going to the bed -- a whole 4 steps in front of her and now I can't have that gentle hand on the back of her head to keep her moving. 

"Keep moving please lets grab a book and get in bed"

"oh! my shoes!"

"We don't really need shoes on for bed"

"my white shoes!

 "We don't NEED shoes in bed but would you like to hold them in bed with you?"

"uh huh"

I dash to the closet and grab "the shoes" I know she is referring to. I put then near her pillow and plop her on the bed. Finally, IN bed. The deed in almost done. 

"Alright we have got your shoes, water and book. Let read!"

I begin to open the book...

"NOOOOOOOO shoes"

She throws them off the bed. 

"Girly, you asked me to get your shoes. Please do not throw them off the bed. Say no thank you shoes instead".

"no"

"{sigh} Please do not say no, just say no thank you"

"no tank oo"

We finally read the book. I skip a few pages and she notices, so I go back again. We pray. We hug. I get up and begin to walk out. Freedom is SO close! 

"mama, shoes!!!!"

"Juliana, you said you didn't want your shoes. If you want them you can grab them from the floor"

"No mama do it"

"You do not need me to get your shoes, please get up and get them yourself."

Oh no. I just gave her the go ahead to get out of bed and before I can just grab the stinkin shoes for her she is up and out. Trying to stay on top of it I add:

"Ok great you got your shoes get back in bed!"

"Oh! My tutu too!!"

"No lets just get in bed you have your shoes"

"no tutu mm shoes too peas!!!!!"

I dash back in, grab the pink fluffy tutu from the closet, grab her and lay her down with shoes, tutu, water, and book before we have to start the process all over again.

"I love you, close your eyes love bug!"

"Noooooo shoes!"

She throws them and everything else off the bed. Then I debate about going back in for discipline and learning lessons or closing the door..... :) 

This was my last 15 minutes :) Sound familiar ? Haha gotta love 2 year olds.