Free Time ...

NAP TIME is always a struggle for me. 

Not the literal process of getting my kids down -- well actually that can be quite the struggle too -- but I am talking about those rare occasions where BOTH kids are napping and I have free time. 

As soon as I realize they are both down my mind frantically goes through my options:

"Get all the dishes done, exercise, EAT, Pick up as many toys as I can since I have 2 FREE HANDS, Blog, read/do my Bible study, read that parenting book that's been sitting on my night stand for weeks unopened, shower.....that is necessary, relax and veg out, NAP, go outside and just sit, do a project that gets my creative juices flowing, read articles about food (yes I actually do this....), Clean the bathrooms, organize baby/kid clothes......I could go on and on and on....but you get the gist.

Sometime I spend too long deciding or trying to start 2 or 3 of them that one child wakes up and bam, it's over! But my struggle lies with how to spend that time, to refresh myself and gear up again. 

Let me explain......I have never, ever felt refreshed or ready for my kids (now full of energy selves) when I have spent that 20 min - 1.5 hr scrolling facebook or on the couch watching TV while I "fold laundry" (lets be honest, I can fold while kids are awake). I am not saying there aren't times where laying on the couch the ENTIRE nap time has been not only enjoyable but necessary. But when I truly close my eyes or focus them on something and get myself away from this glowing screen that seems to suck the life out, I feel so different. 

It takes effort, to be purposeful in my day and is something I am learning lately. I want to be closer to God and be intimately in communication with him, yet I "never have the time" to sit down and focus my attention on him and what he has given me. But I somehow find the time to comment on 5 friends pictures and read yet another grass-fed article. Isn't it strange that we think to ourselves, "if I could just get 5 minutes to sit down alone I would be refreshed and ready" yet......at least for me a lot of the time......when we have that time we waste it or simply don't use it wisely.

Today after putting the baby down finally and then laying with his big sister till she fell asleep I collapsed on the couch, lap top and phone right there with me. But I just knew, as I always do yet don't always act upon, that this would not fill up my empty tank. Just as after a much needed girls night out or time alone I can still be burnt out. 

I simply need time with him. I need to focus my attention on him. It transforms the rest of my day. This doesn't mean I sit there praying for and hour (though that is necessary a lot of days!) but it means I am redirecting my attention on him while I clean up little toys, paint, clean or exercise.

 I am thanking and praising him as I go. I am praying for a friend while I put lids on markers (only to be taken off again shortly :). And I am sharing my heart with my savior while I scrub dried food off counters and fold little shirts and pants. 

These mundane tasks become an act of worship, but it must start with my heart. And I challenge myself and you that it is difficult to direct our thoughts and heart on him while staring at the computer or TV. 

So today I drug my bones off the couch and wrote in my journal, exercised, and began to make a snack when I heard the sweet sound of "mommmmmmy" :) And it IS amazing, that on the days where I spend my time like this I am refreshed and ready to play with those babies. I don't know why I don't purposely act everyday. Usually it's because I plan to just sit for a minute and look at a few things.....but the computer has a way of pulling you in and suddenly all your time has passed (right?!?!)

This sounds a bit like a ramble as I read it back, but I just am writing this for myself (and maybe you too) to work on turning my attention always on him....but starting especially with nap time to be my time of purpose -- even relaxing can be purposeful :)