Welcome to my blog, where I post 3 times a year and can't figure out to change my picture so it looks like I have 2 little kids still 😌 This is my life these days. It's a good thing to be busy living life that you don't have time to write about it but I do miss blogging. Although the audience of people that listen to the blog posts I write in my head every day are very impacted hahaha.
The reason those sayings and videos on facebook about the days being slow but the years so so short are so accurate is because that's exactly how it feels in this stage. Like you're always a little bit dizzy from the amount of needs placed upon you. When several very little people depend on you for everything it can leave you feeling like a wrung out sponge yet there are so many moments during the day I wanna cry "freeze!!!" because the snuggles, the adorable conversations and their complete adoration for me is something I wish I could bottle up and never forget. Jeremy and I were talking about how in this stage of parenting the needs are so physical. They need us to care for their physical needs during the entire day (even the basics of wiping and eating) but I know the years are coming where that will transition to very emotional/spiritual/psychological needs and I'm not sure that will be any easier. I may want to cry "take me back to when you needed me to wipe your nose!"
As a mom it can be incredibly overwhelming to be the caretaker for so many littles that have oh so many needs. A friend of mine recommended a blogger who has titled her series "Overwhelmed by my blessings" I still need to check it out, but I already resonate with the title. It can feel wrong to be frustrated, overwhelmed or resentful towards little people you so desperately love and wanted. Then I think the guilt sets in about how we "should" be feeling about motherhood and comments like "You're gonna miss this/You've got your hands full (yes thanks I KNOW, as one of my kids pulls my shirt down and the other drops their drink)".
I personally think there is a huge problem we have in our culture and era and it's what I believe is one of the biggest causes of moms feeling depressed, anxious and overwhelmed. I think of the saying we like to throw out there in our hashtags #ittakesavillage and as much as I have experienced that from time to time (for example when my fellow mom friends boost me up through our group text or my friends come over and help me fold laundry!) But I think we so badly want that saying to be a truer reality than it is. Because the reality is that unlike many decades before us we are more isolated and alone in our large houses with no true village right there to help. I've visited villages in several countries and there's always so many things that strike me. The pace of life is slower. Much much slower. No running to dance, soccer, art, and other activities. The kids grow up running to and from the different huts and or mud houses and learn more basic life skills like collecting things, maintaining fires and playing games. I'm not saying that the amazing skills and opportunities our kids have to experience where we live is a bad thing, it's a wonderful and I've personally benefited from it. But I do think it can quickly become a prison we feel stuck in.
But the biggest difference to me is the communal living.
We may value privacy and boundaries more than we value community and relationships.
My husband is currently overseas in a middle eastern country and he said he loves that EVERY person he has met has a stack of cushions in their house ready in case someone is traveling through or a friend needs to stay the night. This post may be all over the place from motherhood to community but I think the 2 are so interwoven. I do think that all the younger moms like myself long for those of a generation or two up from us to help guide us in this. This phase of life IS heavy. And having others there to come alongside and walk with you in invaluable. I think it's why social media is such a big thing for moms (well everyone actually) but it makes one feel connected to the outside world when confined in your own home - whether it's sick kids, naps times, homeschooling, the list goes on. But now we've got moms - myself included - with heads in their phones because we are so desperate for community but I'm not sure we can articulate that that is what we are seeking when we are on our phones, yet it's not the best source of community we can get.
The times when I've felt this communal living my heart is SO FULL. The load is so much lighter when carried with you. I don't really have a solution to the way our culture/era and model of a nuclear family is since most of us aren't going to move close by to our friends and do life together because we really do value our space and privacy. Yet we need to figure out how to be ok breaking the social norms and live the hard parts of life with people and being ok asking others to come into our space during the mundane tasks. To end this with a nice positive - this week when my kids were sick my friend came over within an hour of me telling her what was going on. She knew I couldn't leave the house and brought broth, meds and a hug. This is what we are craving! God made us to live in community with others and our hearts feel so seen and heard when we live that out.
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