Monday, September 17, 2012

Why did I pin that?

I found this cute little picture on Pinterest. There are so many of these "inspiring" little pins about gifts for you hubby, prayers, thoughtful actions, etc......but it got me thinking. We all pin these, and as good ideas as they are......are we missing the point? Are we, am I.......truly investing my time into my husband. Am I pinning a cute pin for the heck of it (or even worse simply for appearances sake) or am I spending time reflecting on how to be the wife God wants me to be. Do you believe that God is going to use you, more than any other person in your husbands life to fulfill his purpose for your husband? 

I've been spending some weeks writing this post. Writing a little bit, praying, thinking, writing some more....
This is probably not going to be your typical Wonder Woman speech -- what I mean by that is I've read a lot of books/articles/messages on this topic but for some reason the woman writing always seems to come across as the perfectly balanced wife. Submissive, beautiful, loving, respectful, an amazing mother yet also the perfect wife. And it's true....I've met women who seem to fit these descriptions and I marvel at them but also ache inside that I am not more like that...

I didn't set out with an agenda of something to write......but I've had all these thoughts swimming around in my head for myself and for other people.  How do we treat our husbands. I mean REALLY treat them. Most of the time, how we are feeling about them and ourselves inside comes out through our actions and words. I'm sure this has happened to you as it has me. We basically have a whole argument with him in our head about something then  when he walks in the door we're ready to spew fire and he has no clue why. Sometimes it's about something he did or didn't do, or it can even just be about how we are feeling as a wife and mother, and we unload our frustrations of our day onto him in anger as soon as he walks in!

 We want our husbands to be a certain way for own selfish means. Selfish motives will not allow us to selflessly pray for them.  I see so many households where the wife is the driving force. Instead of taking the role of the help mate, we just take over. We take the things we are supposed to be helping with and we do it all. We say, "oh it's easier if I just do it. " Or "nothing gets done if I don't do it".
This is a sticky situation to get into to. Once you start taking the role of the leader of your house and degrading your husband whenever he makes a mistake or does something differently than you would have, you are not helping him lead your family, you are pushing pushing pushing until he will eventually shut down and not care. What this means is that there will be LOTS of TIMES where you close your lips, fold your hands and allow him to lead. It may not, or maybe even will not get something done as quickly as if you did it, or said just as you would have said it, or run as smoothly as if you had planned it, but this is the first step in taking a step back and encouraging your husband as leader and father. 
(See Genesis 3:16)

Then comes praise. Praise your husband. Publicly, privately, in front of your children and family, and when you're alone or with friends. Do not allow yourself to speak ill or negatively of your spouse. Don't sit around with your friends talking about how stupid your husband is and how you have to do everything. Understand that if you want your marriage to be one that God is please with then you need to stop. Praise what you love, for you will see more of it. 

We need to be more concerned with blessing our husbands than making sure our husbands bless us and are the men we want them to be. I hope this won't make anyone mad, but it really bothers me! Praising your husband and encouraging him is one thing.....but when it comes from selfish motivation it's not authentic. What I mean is this. When you talk up your husband and the things he does for you because you love him and want to praise him -- Great! But when you talk up your husband so that your own image is praised -- Not good. Wanting others to know what he does for you for the sole purpose of stirring up jealously, envy and to make you look like you have the perfect life is more damaging than helpful. I think that sometimes if we truly did a heart survey on ourselves we would find that we are constantly trying to change, tweak and alter our husbands till they are just who we want them to be. Our husbands are not an accessory to our life or something to be fixed and changed till it fits us perfectly.

I realize there are situations where it's not that your husband left the toilet seat up or forgot to call so and so; but that he is absent, disinterested in your family or not the same person you married. I still say pray. Take your prayers for his heart to change to God. Let him work in him from the inside out.....because nagging, henpecking and fighting won't make him change. But for most of us this isn't the case, the case is more that we tend to not treat our husbands with respect. Some might say, "Well if he gave me something to respect I would!" But that's not how it works. This is especially damaging if you do it in front of your kids. They may start to think, "well why would I need to respect Daddy, mom doesn't." He needs to be respected by you, and he needs to know it and feel it. Tell him you respect him, tell him you're proud of his work ethic, tell him you appreciate all that he does. It might sound silly but if you do it I guarantee he will like it. We need to feel loved, they need to feel respected. 

So I guess all I'm encouraging urging us to do (MYSELF included!!!) is to examine daily how we are really treating our husband. Have we spent time praying for just him (remember not praying for him so that it will in turn help us, but him). Are we willing to sacrifice how certain things might get done so that we are letting our husband lead our family spiritually and in every other way? Praise him, but praise him for who he is and because you want to bless him not yourself. Respect him and the choices he makes and don't nit pick why he did it that way or criticize him. Be submissive. (oooooo did I really use that word!?!!?) I really do believe that when scripture says to submit that's what it means. Don't take charge. Let him lead and compliment him on when he does. 

So pin away cause you want to actually do the things it says not just look like you do, post pictures to honor him and not to make yourself look better, and update statuses that praise what he does because you love him!

(see 1 Peter 3, 1 Timothy 2)

1 comment:

Bridget said...

Thank you Anne! This was such an encouragement to read... Its the reminder I needed to Pray, Love, and Support my husband the way God wants me to. Thank you!